Pride in Appearance

Motivation. I need it. I think I got it. I'm not talking about school. I'm talking about fitness and taking pride in my appearance. I worked REALLY hard, spending 3 hours at the gym at least twice a week. My hard work paid off, and I lost A LOT of weight. I went from 190-something to 140. 50+ pounds!! I loved my new body. I could tell the difference in my fitness. I could run for 17 minutes at a time. That doesn't sound like a lot, but if you consider I started out not being able to run for even a minute. See those jeans I'm wearing in that picture to the left? <-- They are a size two. Alas, my schedule got really hectic and I quit working out. Those jeans are now neatly folded in my closet. I can't even fit a leg in. I got used to my fast metabolism, and I started sneaking sweets. Fall semester came, along with MAJOR stress. It was a really hard semester, and it showed. I began to gain weight. Seeing myself in the mirror depressed me, and I hated being in photos. I felt self conscious wherever I went. I felt like everybody was looking at my new weight. I wore baggy clothes, even though I'd gained maybe 10 pounds, and all my "skinny" clothes still fit well. I quit taking pride in my appearance, sometimes going a week without a shower. To help fuel me for all nighters, I ate. And ate. And ate.

Here I am now. I can see the extra weight gain in my face, and in my new-again double chin. I am basically back at my starting weight. This blog is closed, so I'm being really honest here. I weigh about 195, depending on the day. Sometimes 190 if I'm dehydrated. I had to buy new jeans because I ripped the thighs out of my old ones. Instead of a size TWO I am a size FOURTEEN. I want to cry just writing this. I still don't take any pride in my appearance. I don't wear make up, ever, because I don't like looking in the mirror to put it on. I take pictures of Doug now, but not me.

I'm done with this.

I want to remember what was so good about my peak fitness:

• Did I mention size two?!?
• Band was a breeze. I could run and march all over the field all day.
• I loved walking places on campus, or riding my bike around downtown.
• Confidence. I was not afraid of people. I loved meeting new people, and I made it a point to talk to and work with students in each of my classes.
• Attention. My coworkers would notice my weight loss and compliment me. Guys visiting the library where I worked would ask me out or flirt with me.
• Skating. I didn't seem to have to struggle as hard to learn something.
• It was SO easy to find clothes. Everything seemed to look great on me. One of my favorite pastimes is shopping at thrift stores, and at this weight, nothing was too small.
• Bikinis. They fit!! I've always said that if you want to wear a bikini, do it. Don't hide because of your body. However, my chest was too big and fitting into a bikini just was not an option before.
• Small chest. I went from a DDD to a manageable 34DD. I LOVED it. Clothes fit better, and my back didn't hurt as much. Plus bras actually existed and fit.
  
• Pride. I was working really hard, and it made me proud. It established a feeling of self-worth that little else gives me. School also gives me this feeling, but not as strong.
• My skin was the clearest it's ever been. Very few breakouts.
• Stress management. Working out turned into a GREAT way to relieve stress.
  

I am going to get that body back. I want the confident, proud me back. I want to know that I am fit. I want to be able to run a mile again without stopping to walk. I am going to wear those jeans again. Sooo, I thought I'd share my journey on here. I like typing better than writing, so I'll be more likely to update this and be honest. Plus, if I think *anybody* at all is reading this, even just Doug, it'll motivate me to stay focused and not make excuses.

Starting Numbers:

• Weight: 195 lbs
• Waist: 37 in
  
• Bust: 43 in
  
• Chest: 38 in
  
• Girth: 65 in
  
• Thighs: ? in
• Hips: 47 in

Goal:

• Work out every day, even if just a bit.
• Lose 1 lb.
• Water instead of soda.
  

Workout Plan:

Wednesday:
9 a.m. - 11 a.m. = Treadmill (Walk 4 min, run 1 min, repeat.); With elevated heartrate, do various floor exercises: Situps, pushups, utilize medicine ball, stretch; Do some resistance training with arms (press) and thighs.
Thursday: 8 a.m. - 10 a.m. = Treadmill (Walk 3 min 55 s, run 1 min 5 s, repeat); With elevated heartrate, do various floor exercises: Situps, pushups, utilize medicine ball, stretch; Do resistance training with arms (press) and thighs.
Friday: 11 a.m. - 1 p.m. = Treadmill (15 min, run as much as possible);With elevated heartrate, do various floor exercises: Situps, pushups, utilize medicine ball, stretch; Recumbent bicycle (Just keep heart rate up); Stretch again
Saturday: 8 a.m. - 9:30 a.m. = Treadmill (Walk 3 min 50 s, run 1 min 10 s, repeat to 30 min); With elevated heartrate, do various floor exercises: Situps, pushups, utilize medicine ball; Elliptical for 5 min to stay limber; Emphasize stretch.
Sunday: Go for a brisk walk outside for 15 mins OR Treadmill (Walk 3 min 40 s, run 1 min 20 s, repeat to 30 min); With elevated heartrate, do various floor exercises: Situps, pushups, utilize medicine ball; Recumbent bike for 5 min to stay limber; Resistance training